Yes, I have a Conceptual Clash with FaceBook!!!

For more than 3 months now I’ve put a personal ban on FaceBook usage. Why u ask, basically cuz I’m not a self conscious-guilt ridden-complex stricken-wannabe; I’m not someone who’s low on the moral fiber even though he is aware what is principally wrong. Yes folks, that’s the neighborhood I find the most trouble in, matters of principles and morality. That’s a completely different post altogether so let’s get back to the topic, but let me once again clarify to you I’m not the least bit of what you can call a prime example of a religion guy, in fact nowhere close to that so what follows, though derived through religion, is totally not based on religion or my religious beliefs (yes I have them as well thank you very much, turns out you are not the only one, eh!)

FaceBook and the Facebook administration are a bunch of cheap two-timing bastards eager for minting some hefty amounts of money in every possible way! But you know what and strangely enough, we are much cheaper and more bastardly than FaceBook guys and by ‘we’ I beg to address the whole Muslim universe hell bent on using FB like if they let go of it all of their business empire is gonna crash down on top of their heads or they might start to be treated as society outcasts or if they don’t keep a check through using FB their dimwit sister might put up her stupid nude pictures for her latest boyfriend and by ‘intentional’ mistake would keep the view option public! Well I might seem to sound a little pissed over here but that’s simply because I AM! We are one hell of a thick headed cock sucking balls hungry nation aren’t we! Let me tell you the story how, just a brief background!

Back in May 2010, there was this community page on FB named “Draw Muhammad” on which, one fine day, this ass-clown wakes up and announces the “Draw Muhammad Day” event and competition on the page which ofcourse gets viral. Soon enough a couple of us Muslims find out about this outrageous activity and what do we do, some of us go to the community page and protest while others spread the words so that more Muslims are aware of this activity while still others put up pages to counter this maneuver plus a couple of more actions from different factions that would be furthered later down the post. The hype builds up slowly and gradually as the day arrives and both sides are driven by their life driving agendas to proceed with what they believe is the right way. Right on top of the Draw Muhammad Day a number of governments from Muslim counties get involved and they block all access to FB in each of their respective countries………for a week only till the event has passed, how fucking convenient you morons! The event happens or not is not my question neither my concern here and the governments reopening FB is what I’m least bothered about but the whole 1 week episode with all the intermingled hype left my baby brain troubled with a couple of questions which I would like to discuss here in full throttle now.

Question 1: What the FUCK is the “Report Abuse” button (with a detailed drop down menu of reasons to choose from) doing on FaceBook when those fucking cunts don’t intend to honor any report or discriminate on what they’d remove and what not like its their sister’s soiled panties which they’d decided either to remove or not before they hump her?

Question 2: Why the FUCK 80% of the people (read shit-sucking twats) on my BB messenger and Google had their status going something like “Awww, Oooh, FaceBook blocked, what remains in life, how am I gonna get turned on and hump my sister now, what to do!”?

Conference on Question 1:

As most of you might already be aware of, every page on FaceBook, no matter community, games or individual’s, has a “Report Abuse” button/link on it that is pretty much functional and FB doesn’t stop here thinking they have provided this much the human race should be thankful to them, no not at all, they facilitate you to the fullest and finest levels to ensure customer satisfaction so once you click that stupid button/link you have a full drop-fucking-down menu on types of abuses you intend to report that page on, which includes but is not limited to ‘Racism’, ‘Offensive Content’, ‘Nudity’ and I guess ‘Religious reasons’. You select your desired ‘mode of abuse’ and submit the ‘Abuse’ report to FB. The FB administrator or the FB panel of administrators (a couple of ass clowns dry humping each other endlessly for all I know) then reviews your request and tries to decide if it’s genuine and up to the FB standards (Genuine and Standards are two expressions suitable not for FB but rather for a monkey trying to hump a goat while its nibbling on tree leaves) Once decided, FB then removes the page from its website owing to the genuine abuse and offense claim submitted. Now this is supposed to be the simple process of page removal upon request not covering the scenario where the whore who happens to be the mother of whoever is running the show at FB is having here periods and decides no requests no matter how genuine would be entertained.

Tell me frankly how many Muslim users do you think would be there on FB? Just for arguments sake let’s take that number to be quite less at say, 500,000. Say only 20% of these users came to know of the “Draw Muhammad Day” and let’s say once again that we are a cursed nation so only half of them had the balls to go to that page and report it as abuse and select Racisim, Offensive or Religion as the either of the specific reasons for reporting the page. This number actually comes out to be 50,000. FIFTY FUCKING THOUSAND report abuse requests at the rock bottom with specific reasons and not the slightest muscle twitched from FB, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME OR DID EVERYBODY AT FB HAD HORSE CUM IN THEIR EYES AND WENT BLIND DURING THAT PERIOD! Where the fuck did the discrimination laws go this time, for a hike up their mama’s sweet cunt, eh?! Talk about discrimination and I’ll talk about how these guys have led the world into believing they are the reincarnation of Jesus or Mother Teresa when infact they are the resultant artifact of their neighbors Rottweiler! A kid can do the simple maths here but the jackasses at FB owe their IQs to the test tube experiments that went wrong and resulted in their birth, “let’s see if 50 thousand different people from different regions are reporting this page as abusive then hmmmmmmm…..nah no big deal they are crazy……but just to be sure lets visit the page ummmmm…..nah no nude pictures its fine what the fuck do these crazy talibans want, bunch of retards sending in 50 thousand requests to remove the page, Fuck Off, nobody is listening to you, you scum of the world go hide back in your mountains!”

Is this the fucking seriousness they treat us with? Is this the way our value-fucking-able views and feedback are honored? Is this the way they intend to practice their whorish non-discrimination laws and regulations?

I just wish to god I was in their country and I swear to god I would have taken out the report abuse stats on this page legally and would have personally fucking sued their bastard asses so hard that their fathers and mothers and grandfathers and grandmothers and whosoever had gone down under from their families would be rolling over in their graves. Alas! I can just imagine the Fuck-them-all case it could have been on infringement of discrimination laws and equal rights and what-not act on their part!

Conference on Question 2:

Having said the above, its not right to blame one party here when actually we ourselves lack the balls required to show some honor and its actually a fault more on our part! Come one let’s be honest to ourselves, they fucking own the thing, they fucking possess the technology they fucking run the show, we, we are the puny little users hooked onto their thing…! But this brings me to the main problem that we all have shown time and again. We aren’t even fucking true and honest to ourselves so what should we expect our behaviors to be, Godly?!

The moment FB went offline here in my beloved country people started going into a state of dismay and depression over the event! During this phase that the people around me were going through, there was only one thought that went around in my head “WTF, are we seriously this dumb!Shit!”

Status updates like “NO FACEBOOK!”, “FACEBOOK GONE L!”, “NO FACEBOOK NO FUN!”, “HARD TO PASS A DAY WITHOUT FACEBOOK!”, “WHEN WOULD FACEBOOK BE BACK!” were simply too much for my small little fucked up brain to fathom. To a couple of people I’m quite open with I tried explaining the concept that it’s like your mom’s being fucked by the housing society bully while you are waiting for the door to your mom’s room to open again so you can go in and continue watching Cartoon Network on her Tele! That’s sick! Not to go into the religious details as to what does it say about placing your Prophet’s value even above your parents, we need to have some dignity people, wake up! Where is the sense of self respect guys, where is the poise and pride one must have about himself and his set of values! Atleast I see none!

If someone doesn’t value you, if they don’t value your views, infact if they give a complete 360 degree flying fuck on who you are and what do you think does this mean that you should put your sorry asses and your black souls in a platter and present it to them to fuck over and over again as they please! For once I don’t agree to this! If I’m giving my views or my opinion which are not being considered then fuck the forum, fuck the discussion and sure as hell fuck the people in the scene, I seriously don’t give a rat’s ass. I know my worth and if someone doesn’t it’s their problem not mine and I’m not gonna suck-up to any entity to prove my worth!

Just recently heard about a concept called Islamic Marketing….yes organizations world over are bringing out Marketing campaigns and tactics targeted specifically towards the Muslim segment in the world that is huge and untapped, which in turn means someone somewhere realizes the potential and recognizes the value in us so why can’t we value ourselves! Why are we so desperate to follow when we have a track record of leading the globe! Why are we so fucking used to the taste of cock and balls that we have completely forgotten that we have a pretty useful set of our own much active and vibrant than the rest (proven by the birth rates in the Muslim population)!

Just think about it, FB out for a week, what harm it did to your lives. For starters I can’t think of a single fucking thing no matter how hard I try! Infact for a period over 3 months if I calculate the time I have saved from FB to do something productive it would surely make me feel good on more than a couple of items rather than forcing a depressing crack down my butt! But the irony of the time is that we, the people, had adverse and unpleasant annotations and dispositions the time FB went out when instead it should have been us driving the whole thing, pursuing the legal channels, chasing the government into taking some corrective measures and showing the way out to the ones who do not respect the values we harvest! It’s high time that we fucking decide for once and for all where do we see ourselves - legs spread ready to get that cock we so long for or all set to give the world a mouthful of being who we are!

I know that my personal ban on FB might not even bring a dollar down in their revenues and most probably go un-noticed but once again I seriously don’t give a flying fuck about their side of the picture all I’m set out to doing is put my side of the picture in the right perspective!

P.S. the page under discussion is still available on FB presenting a tight little slap placed just at the right spot on our ball sucking faces!

Post words: I can almost hear the words from Everlast echoing in my head:

“Ride with the Devil, Hide with the Lord

I got no pistol, Aint got no sword

I got no army, Aint got no land

I aint got nothing but the stone that’s in my hand!

…………….you build your fighter jets, you drop your bombs

You kill our fathers, you kill our moms………

So when you’ve had enough and ready for your stand

I’ll be waiting with the stone that’s in my hand!”

The Language of the Body

The brain is beyond doubt an amazing and magnificent piece of creation; it brings in ideas so farfetched and implausible that one gets furious on beiing such a dumbass but sometimes those ideas do work out pretty fine; that's the wierd part!

Since quite an early age there was this one theory in my head that i was pretty sure existed and was waiting to be discovered by some gadget laden half crazy neuro-scientist, but in vain. Each passing day as I grew older and older, with increasing harmony between me and my body, this specific concept started growing on me till the time i was convinced that it has to be like this or else Danzel is a half bred bastard who had sex with a porcupine's son in order to get his acting career started........that is true by the way but anyways the concept goes something like:
"Every boody has a body language going on!"
Yeah that's it, simply put! But ooooo no, i know what you are thinking, I'm not talking about that body language, no no no and NO, it's not the "Hey look at the sluty body language that lass has on display....." type of body language I'm referring to, oh no it's not that, it's the real thing, like the real body language you know, The Language of the Body! I'm totally convinced that there is a language in which your organs communicate just like English is a language in which people communicate. What if we don't understand it, who cares if we call it a nervous system comprising of nerves and signals and nerve endings and relays and some more nerves perhaps and whatsoever, your body doesn't give a flying fuck what you name it and it continues to communicate within itself doesn't it now! For instance you are walking in a market place when suddenly you spot a juicy cleavage and your eyes almost suddenly yell to your brain "Oi fucker, stop wasting your grey matter on how many DVDs you can buy and check out the juicy jugs on this one!" and instantly your brain snaps to the landscape ahead of you and you start going "hmmmmmmmm......." in your head and your heart starts beating faster "Hey lemme see shithead lemme see, comeon lemme see fuckhead or i swear i'm gonna burst right here and spill blood all over your guts, lemme see!" and within a few seconds from that the cock suddenly starts beating his head all around "You bastard, I give you manly power, I give you pleasure, I give you a tool to impregnate unsuspecting girls and I give you syphilis you motherfucker and you lock me up here asshole with no room to breathe, atleast put in a goddamn peephole you son of a bitch! Lemme out, lemme out you bastard!" Well surely if that's not communication then Helen was a whore of Troy (which ain't true, you know she wasn't)! It is actually the fastest communication ever and it has to happen in a language doesn't it (see how 2 goes into 2 to make 4) and some day when doctors and scientists and chemists and the baboon who taught us how to insert long greasy metal objects in our ass, decrypt and start understanding the language of the organs as plainly as one understands English then one of you would definitely remember that there was this one smart little guy back in the days who wrote about this on his blog!

Anyways, what if we start understanding what the organs say to each in their nervous system language! What are the odds of that eh and how fucking exciting and amuzing life would be if that happens. Just imaging your bladder going like "You thirsty faggot, who the fuck told you to drink so much water.....now i'm fucking about to burst!Hey, Mr. I-Want-To-Control-Everything, tell those fucking lazy pair of legs to start making their way towards the toilet will ya' and tell this moody bastard hanging between the legs to stop clenching so tight and ease up a bit on the vessels for godsake, it's not like we've started to pee through the asshole now is it!" upon which the Asshole would go like "Hey for fuck's sake shutup already, I'm full of shit myself why the hell are you dragging me into this you slimy sack of piss!" and the penis would have its own two pennies worth to put in "You useless focking sack of focking stinking piss, who the fock do you think you are talking to eh!Fock you I'm going up, let's see you empty your load now piss sucker! and yeah fock you too Matabolism, you can't do shit to me you schedule-keeping calendar-driven motherfucker!" cuz for some strange reason I've always pictured the penis to have an -Al Pacino in God Father- like voice and temperament "Hey I do not like your face motherfocker.... *spit* here you go focker! Clean up the focking mess Hands....and Tongue!"

But you know who the real God Father will turn out to be in case we ever succeed in understanding the organ language......The Brain ofcourse! But the Brain would not have that much of a God Father touch to it, rather a bit mellow and imploring type you know and for some odd reason I sometimes picture the Brain to be the Brendon Frasier of the body with the Will-you-please-have-sex-with-me-for-charity look......... almost begging the rest of the body organs to cooperate with him please and keep the noise down unless they want themselves to be thrown out " Hey you little green sack of Gallbladder you mischievous little bastard, you've been creating much troruble haven't you, let's see what you say to this you little devil.....!" Hold-Cut-Chop-Throw in the bin-That ought to teach the rest of you a lesson, "....so keep it down all of you we are closing the roof back again......."

Anyhow, if we were to assign personalities to the organs then surely Brain would be the one who, after the man has had the shit beaten out of him by street kids, would be listening to the Penis advising him "Look focker, this is exactly what happens when you let the focking pussy-licker do the focking talking instead of a guy like me who could focking hurt those focking lousy Italian wannabe bastards!" and the Tongue would go like "Ith wasn'th all my faulth really, all I wanthed was tho geth ith setthled peacefully!" and the Brain would be thinking "Heck yeah! This Al Pacino voice-over guy is right, I should have let him loose instead of the fucking pussy-eater!"
The Brain is actually like that you know, the moment you hit puberty and then move into your adulthood and beyond, every organ grows and multiplies it's cells at a vigorous pace to reach a fully grown state.....except ofcourse your brain. That fucker keeps loitering around, bent on using just 2% of its full potential which again is mostly consumed in clinging to past memories, first to college days when you are actually in Post-Grad, then to Post-Grad when you are actually way into your professional and practical life and then to the professional life when you are actually damn old and shitting on the bed with a tube passing through your dick! Only when you are in this state and almost on your death bed that the brain suddenly realizes:

"What-The-Fuck-Is-Going-On-In-Here!?! I seem to have lost lost all fucking control, oh shit i need to grow up....... hey hey you fucking bastard don't stop pumping blood you fucker ayeeee, Oi Lungs, what the fuck is wrong with you lads, let the air come in will you, you you......hey whoever dickless wonder is poking my arm with that big needle just stop it dimwit, it hurts........hey over there Asshole, clench yourself motherfucker no need to loosen up you'll spoil the bed asshole......awww come on Bladder you can fucking keep that much in yourself for a little while till we get to the toilet...........Hey listen up everyone, guys we need to sych up and work together on this one.......Hey Eyes, open up a little bit at look around where are we, O fuck me sideways, it's a hospital, G.R.E.A.T.! and a shabby one as well, way to go guys, I'm fucking going into the white light I see at the end of the tunnel, you fuckers can take a hike I've already had enough of you guys trying to...Hey Humpface keep pumping blood, who the fuck told you to take a break motherfucker, we are not on a vacation here in case you haven't realized, fuck the white light and shit and listen up you crazy bastards for one last...Ouuuuuu, what is that rubbing against my shoulder, it feels so good.....ouuuuuu soft and fluffy and alluring and springy and.....ouuuuu these ought to be a pair of tities perched up high on a young hot nurse's chest, HALLELUJAH, Heellllllloooooo Ladies, how are we doign tonight....!"



and at that very moment the Penis brings up his head from his deep slumber of 8 months

"Who.....What.......Where....did some focker say focking tities.....o yes yess yesss Mr. Brain I do focking feel 'em......bring it on bitches, Big Pappa Pump is back from the dead.....Fock Yeah....Lemme out lemme focking out! Wait!What! You fucking suckers don't even have peepholes in hospital gowns....you focking crazy fockers.......I will burst open my foking way this time......lemme out fockface lemme out!"



".....and ladies and gentlemen, here we have a case of acute heart failure with multiple seizures and severe diabetes fluctuations that has rendered this patient....O my God, is that a HARD-ON!?!" *Giggles and gasps from the female medical students*



And you know what's crazier than a dead penis waking up one fine day, have you ever heard that someone died with his peter standing straight up high.....not a single soul! That's the most messed up part......it's like God up there has a soft corner for dying people with hard-ons and He goes like "Hey look at that down there, the poor fellow has an erection , awwwwww that's sweet......well here you go my little fighter, here's another extra 5 years for the effort!" and just when you about to receive those sweet additional 5 years the eyes have had it with all the boob brushing and they want to actually feast on the sight of them as well so they open up and realize it's the 80 year old almost blind patient from the next bed lost on his way back to his bed from the toilet and is trying to land his soft old butt on your face that is ironically mistaken for the pillow on his bed and at that very moment the Penis goes like "False alarm?! Fock this shit man, I'm going down and I'm taking all of you with me, fock off Mr. I-Can-Control-Everything!" and the very last string of conversation that goes on inside could be like:



Brain: Come On you pesky little fuck get up, it's just an ass, just get the fuck up and everything will work out I promise!



Penis: Fock OFF I told you already and keep that blood with yourself Heart I don't focking need it, Return Return Return.....



Barin: No fuck no, you can't return blood you jerk off that's not how it works.......Take It Take It Take It......



Heart: Pump Pump Pump Fuuuuuuucking PUMP..........



Brain: Great yeah, keep up the pumping just don't fucking stop and don't listen to Penis, he's a moron brainless fuck!



Lungs: We feel like a pair of confused balloons, when shall we take in and when the fuck do we let it out?!?



Brain: Shutup retard and just BREATHE!You there Penis, get the fuck up will ya' we are all fucking counting on you Mr. Macho Dude so don't fuck around.......5 more years, just think about it......!



Penis: O for fock's sake, buzz off will ya'.......



Lungs: Onnnnnnneeeee.....Ouuuuuuuuttttttt........Twwwwwwoooooooo........Ouuuuuttttttt.....Th...th....th....thr..... there's something stuck in the windpipe there's something stuck in the windpipe, tell the fucking Tongue to move away from the windpipe, move away move away.........



Tongue: You fucking Dimwit you are just counting and not breathing with it asshole....get your shit together.........



Lungs:ooooooohhhhhh, I seeeeeeeeee....sorrry, deep breath in deep breath out deep breath in deep breath out........



Asshole: Hey what the fuck!why do you fuckers have to drag me into everything you bastards, let me take a last dump in peace for godsake, I never actually had good terms with the bed sheets or the mattress you know, the buggers pinch.........



Brain: Oi clench motherfucker clench, let me feel those cheeks wrapped tight together, just hold it in.......and shutup all of you and concentrate, this is no time to fool around or to panic, work together guys work together and we'll make it.......



Heart: Pump pump pump pump....what a Fucking Lousy Job for crying out loud.....Pump pump pump...........



Penis: Return Return Return......all of you rot in Hell fockers.....return return return.......



Brain: Hey come on....don't be such a prick you prick...Take It Take It Take It.....!Hands, we could use a little help of yours in getting this prick up! O Fuck, all blood supply going to the prick, you are already dead...Marvelous...Shit....!



Asshole: Okay!



Brain: WHAT.....No......!Wait!NO!!!!!!!



Penis: Fuck Yes....Fuck Off Fuck Off Fuck Off and Fuck Off....return return return.....bite me......return return return.....



Heart: Pump Pump Pump PUUUUUUUUMMMMMMP.........Puuuuuuuuooooooooommmmmpp pooooooooooooommmmmmmmmp poooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmp...... oh fuck i can't keep it up anymore, too much stress and no fringe benefits, fuck shit, Hump Hump Hump, o great now i'm going crazy, no fuel allowance as well.......Pump Fuck Hump Pump Fuck Hump Hump Pump Fuck....O FUCK IT ALL............



*BeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeP*



Brain: You Lousy Fucking Cunnnnntttsssssss..............*THUD*





"Sorry Madam, your husband had a wet dream and he passed away! We believe the cause to be related to drowning due to excessive wetness in the dream!"

Profile

For a couple of annoying people who have been constantly asking for my Orkut profile to be pasted on this blog.......can't understand why people can't go to Orkut and read it there..... anyways here it goes.......





About Me:
Well if you really wanna know then lets start with the childhood.......
Being a child wasn't easy for me as numerous questions n stuff troubled my baby brain - things like:
What is that dog doing to that other dog?
Why can't Mr. Fork and Mrs. Electrical Outlet be friends?
How to become the dominant military power in school?
Why don't Goldfish bounce?
How to control the playground: respect through fear or fear through respect?
Should organ transplants be better left to professionals?

was quiet active at sports as well, the all time favourites being Pop goes the hamster (PGH) and yes ofcourse other great microwave games. Reality shows caught my interest back then as well and one most recalled went something like " Curious Sunny and the High Voltage Fence"!

Growing up into my teenage and post-teens wasn't that painless either cuz that was when the realization struck that they are laughing at me NOT with me! n that's what made me adrenaline run like crazy and made me do stuff that i later realized wasn't sosing any good so i vowed that:

I will not torment the emotionally frail!
I will not snap bras!
I will not trade pants with others!
I will not encourage others to fly!
I will not charge admission to the college bathroom!
I will not pledge allegiance to myself!
I will not spank others!
I will not sell property that ain't mine!
I will not instigate revolution!
I will not do that thing with my tongue!
I will not call my teacher Hot Buns!

And then came the golden age, the age that does wonders for you cuz you can do whatever you want and nobody'll say 'He's just a stupid kid!' but then again everything comes with some cost to it and this time I had to work if I wanted to go on with life, and I never knew how to work so the 5th day at office i ask my boss: " Hey Boss, how dod i set a laser printer to stun?"
n wat followed made me realize that this isn't an office -> It's Hell with flourescent lighting! so i started giving everybody what i was getting ; HELL!!!! Office remarks like ' Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?' were supposed to drive people crazy but instead i got instant fame!
Everybody is crazy I suppose or its just that real stupidity usually beats Artificial Intelligence!n sarcasm was just one more service I had to offer!

In between the time i got to providing office services and trying to ditch work I met my first dream woman, the chick rocked but later i realized the problem that she really did 'rock' too much so one day i got my pants on, said something and started to leave when she got all frenzied and all so i was like " Okay Okay! I take it back! Unfuck you bitch!" and was out! was so pissed and all that I left work, left home, left town adn went to Tibet to be the heir and High Priest to a very spiritual religious faction where i tried to learn tht its not the size that counts, its the....ummm, actually it is the size!

But due to my intrinsic nature had to bail out from that place as well to avoid getting beheaded by a guy whose wrinkles were as deep as the crack in his butt so now i reside at Orkut and tend to die on my keyboard tying shits like these while reality continues to ruin my life!!!!

P.S Bark if you fancy my finger!!!!

Passions:
Aik Mona, dosra sona, tesra Mona k sath sona (First Mona, Second Sleeping, Third Sleeping with Mona)

Sports:
Reaching out for the remote control, that again just sometimes -> exessive exercise can be bad for health!

.........the rest of the looooooong profile could be read at Orkut -> Ali Zaidi.......... :)

If it wasn't for IF..... (PG18: SL)

It’s true, when they say God gives…..last eve I decided to call it a day a bit early and strangely enough returned home just in time for dinner. Was loitering around the place post food, thinking what to do with this miserable life of mine when I got a text from someone I was least expecting would forward such a thing but things happen when you least expect them to. More than the text itself, what I least expected was for an inspiration but that is exactly what I got after going through that particular text. I guess it’s like getting a hard-on during your product presentation at noon even though you jacked off twice in the morning :P

Anyways enough with the ‘pointless’ blabber, let me share the text with you guys here that has triggered this whole post. I can recall a hundred such exercises that I have laid my eyes upon and I’m pretty sure that most of you must remember a thousand such Test & Teasers likes. The text went something like:

Harvard IQ test: If you know the answer just reply with the answer

If

1=5

2=25

3=325

4=4325

5= ?????

Now, my universal response to such texts goes something like “FUCK!” (Ofcourse due to my sickening infatuation with the word as explained in an earlier post) followed by a specific reply to the sender comprising of a simple ‘_|_’ but I know this sender for sure and I could tell what mischief she had in mind while forwarding this to me, so I ofcourse offered a more subtle response and while I watched the screen with the ‘sending message’ tag it suddenly occurred to me……. “WHAT THE FUCK!” plus a couple of other detailed realizations as belows regarding such IQ tests.

For starters, who the hell makes these bloody IQ tests anyways and do they really have an IQ level to be proud of cuz it certainly doesn’t show in the resultant questionnaires! Like is there seriously an old geezer tucked away in the furtherest corner of the furtherest library of the furtherest school of Harvard, buried deep in a pile of scrabbled papers, coming up for merely 5 seconds to catch some fresh breath while counting some shit on his fingers and soon enough is back in the pile of papers writing down his findings like if he delayed for half a second more the Universe would start collapsing on itself and all the earthlings – who, by the way, are already so dumb they can’t pass this dude’s simple IQ test – would be looking up at the skies and wondering this sure is some cool special effect going on over there and……..what is this enchanting glowing red big thing coming towards us with such tremendous speed!

Ok I’m not being judgmental or anything here but, just look at the fucking test; it starts with a big fat fucking IF! Am I the only one or is there something really screwed up over here, what kind of a question starts with an IF and claims to be a haven for holding and incrementing human IQ!? Seriously man, what the fuck! A question starting with an IF clearly has atleast a couple answers to it and both of them are capable of standing correct depending on how you put that IF into the picture but ironically the questions never clarify how does the damned IF fits into the fancy little picture the stupid architect has in his twisted little head. No fucking way is IF justified to grace a question and definitely not for testing bloody IQs. This two lettered seemingly harmless word, leaves way too many open ends to satisfactorily answer something and if it’s to be with an IF, I can put up more than a couple of questions of my own, without putting much thought into it either and I promise they could be equally brain teasing and twisted and would also possibly extort the potential to one day hail as some of the building blocks for testing IQ for sure! This is surely no way to implement any test….. IF in itself poses many questions and makes the whole damn thing so twisted to reply to that a person can totally forget about the real thing and start concentrating more on the ‘IF’ part thinking “what if…… no,no what if, hmmmmmm….. oh come on not that but what if, mmmmm…….!” You don’t believe me? Well here is a general level ( entry level if you please) question that can for sure pose as a fucking IQ test and is totally based on the IF factor:

(Variables for the sake of argument: 'Your daughter', 'Your Grandchild', 'You')

IF

Your daughter = A slut

Horny = You

Screwing = Pregnancy

Your Grandchild = Your son

You = ??????????

Now I know, you know and infact every sane person knows the first answer which comes to the mind abruptly that “You = a sick fucking bastard with no bloody moral value!” but “Horny” also fits perfectly cuz the variable “You” has been defined already! And a combined effort yielding an answer something like “You = a horny sick fucking bastard with no bloody moral value!” should also be totally acceptable. Now here is where the catch comes in, no matter how many answers you or anyone can come up with IF the inventor of the question has already made up his mind about the answer while drafting the question which goes something like “You = a sick fucking bastard with no bloody moral values!” then there is no other answer in the world that can satisfy that little retard’s mind no matter how heavy the justification you, me or anyone presents. This is the basic reason why IF was used to start the question just so that the architect can have his cake and eat it too, you know what I mean! Not to mention, after deriving the resultant for the above problem, would the court let “You” go free just because someone defined the variables and occurrences with an IF? Think about that, eh?!

Who the fuck are we trying to fool here! Let me tell you folks, plainly and clearly, these unconstructive, waste-of-time-when-one-has-better-things-to-do type stunts are simply created to feed some pervert’s ego at an average man’s expense so pleeeeease DO NOT fall for it I sincerely ask of you. You have an IQ comparable to anyone so let nobody fool you and you do not need to get some moron’s ‘expert’ opinion to justify it. Listen up and listen carefully cuz now I’m about to reveal the most crucial fact of ‘em all, if you have come this far in life and if you can understand and agree to what has been going on in this particular post then my friend you surely have an IQ unmatched with the general populace of your generation and you do not need to throw yourself to the vultures just to get some fake sense of security and assurance of acceptability! Incase you are still having some issue digesting this let me make it crystal clear for you, next time when you attempt to answer an IQ test with a big fucking IF in front of it just remember the following phrase and judge the footings of that IF-driven ego-hungry question:

“IF your Aunt Lucy had a dick you’d be calling her Uncle Lucifer!” and that exactly is the level of effect IF has on anyone’s life and that exactly is the importance you should give to anything with an IF factor attached to it!!!

P.S In case IF some of the morons are still wondering the answer to the Harvard test I got as a text, its 1 but 54325 also goes perfectly :P

P.S.S. Get a life guys seriously, this is the end of the post!

Todays' Tomorrow

Revert to days long past
Break through the dry cast

Days, when time was young
Time, where life begun

Heavens that were not in a rage
Souls that were not bound in a cage

A cage of lust, greed and sorrow
A peculiar sign of the coming tomorrow

What happened will not come undone
Cherish the moments wilting away with the fading sun

The agony, that makes it all a hell
Hell, that makes it hard to dwell

No further hope shall spawn
Days like that are long since gone

The heart weeps, the soul cries
The soul dies but the will survives

Memories akin to a shredded stripe
Living in the hope of death; dying hoping for life

Shattered dreams and mournful faces
Dying hearts and condemned races

Reality that no one can betray
Perplexity that no one can portray

Final cry for desperate measures
Desperation leading to frustration over fallen statures

Filch the remaining whiffs of happiness if you can
Die with dignity, depart like an elevated man…..

....Watch Out Here I Come.....!!!

Been ages since I wrote something….well almost feels like it anyways!!!! But worry not my dear brethren cuz thy moment of despair withers into thin air (well almost! :p) as the words continue to gel into sentences on which thy eyes feast upon as they unfold below.

New job, new life, new identity……well that’s not completely true for me!!! Just did a little job shift and ended up working odd hours……well even aswell!!!

Waking up way too early in the morn, starting my day with my favourite good-morning expression (“Its morning already, FUCK!”) followed by a little motivational rhyme “This is the way we wash our face, we wash our face, we wash our face, this is the way we wash our face early in the morning!” and propelling myself on a thousand other “This is the way…we do this we do that!” shit, me gets myself on my way to me office early in the morn, totally indulged in work the whole live long day, stepping out the office late at night when the clock tells me that “…it’s actually the next day you dumass!”, love kindda kindles inside for my dear ol’ bed and, driving “F1-style” to get to that damn thing, finally when I do get to that exciting-bundle-offer-of-wood-and-drowningly-thick-soft-mattress that looks so alluring, the only thing left for me to do is to put myself to sleep with the same shit ringing in my ears “This is the way we go to bed, we go to bed, we go to bed, this is the way we go to bed, early in the morning!” so I guess now the bright ones have an idea about how my days seep into nights and my nights de-coagulate and roll over into days again.

Even though a sane man shudn’t be experiencing such a thing after going through such a day and schedule but I constantly keep on having these nightmares where slowly and gradually, painfully and glaringly I’m loosing my cult following……people who love me for what I am, people who love me for who I am and then the people who love me for no reason at all!!!! I don’t want to go down like that, don’t really want that to happen…hell nobody in the whole damn world has anything against getting a little attention and for once I don’t mind a couple of hundred of you fellows making me the center of their world…..yeah I can almost hear “Hail Ali, Hail Ali!” chants rising up from a crowd of like a thousand people who proudly exhibit the “Ali Merchandise” they wear and carry and sit on and sprawl on and rub on and rub in and eat in and suck…….ehm ehm, we shouldn’t get distracted now, should we!!!!

Anyways, the reason, for taking out some precious and really important time of mine and writing this down, is fairly simple…..its just a preliminary message to all you dupes out there (no offense) who think I’m dead and gone for good or have given up writing or was just another “one-hit-single” kind’da dude or probably getting myself humped by an elephant……although I’m not saying I am or was or anything, just saying in case you were getting excited about some animal…….ehm, well just think again!!! I’m pretty much alive and kicking and you are not out of probably the best competition you’ve had for quite some time now!!! I’m here and I’m coming, meant both ways, so you better watch out cuz the shit is just about to get heavy and better!!! And for all of you people out there waiting for my next one -> you guys rock, the best you are and would stay for days to come, meant only in the correct sense! Stay logged for a little something to hit the deck pretty soon, something that’s as wicked as expected but equally interesting!!!!

And yeah….Fuck Peace and don’t dare say cheeeeese :P!!!!!!!!

The word 'Fuck' - Repercussions!

I’d let you know about my views for the act later but for now please note that I’m simply, absolutely, entirely and truly infatuated with the word fuck. Yes people, I’m head over heels with the word fuck, although sometimes I’m utterly mystified by the sheer joy it brings - to use the word as a noun, pronoun, verb, adjective or adverb - but still I simple cannot miss any opportunity to use the word where its most fitting and more importantly, indubitably required. The mere use of the word in my daily conversations makes me kind of nostalgic so that I feel like using it over again for having used it once, just like when you are done with your favorite Belgian Chocolate ice cream you feel like having it over again, a bigger scoop this time. How many times, can you count, when this word came in pretty handy – zillion, right! And just imagine the gust of expression and energy the word pumps in any conversation, things without it seem somewhat dull and slack to me. And that’s not speaking of the challenging and demanding tone it sometimes enriches your communiqué with and the surge of feeling it percolates in an otherwise boring conversation. Take for example the scene where a chap drops by his friend’s place and is greeted with “Hey dude wassup, wanna smoke!” which is totally not interesting now is it. On the other hand, if the greeting had gone something like “ Hey, just the fuck in time dude, lets get fucking wasted dawg!” you can sure as hell see the friendship spark lighting three steps higher. Likewise, think of when your subordinate ain’t performing the way he should be and you approach him with “What’s wrong with you?” to which the sidewinder might end up discussing with you his renal anomalies as someone sounded like a nurse from the nephro ward back there! Instead, if your inquiry started off something like “What’s your fucking problem!?” the fool knows there and then that you are not fucking around nor taking his shit anymore, and come to think of it, the use of the word fuck here, in addition to enhancing the seriousness of your query, also in a way questioned his manhood. Next time he’d be careful like a squirrel rationing for winter.
(In case my boss is going through this => Hi boss, I’m just kidding here ok, merely for a laugh or two J and it’s like 1 am and I needed a break!)
Coming to the point, I also feel an intimate connection with the phrase “What the fuck!” It’s so lovingly small, clever and handy yet at the same time adds tons of pressure to a simple ‘What’. Not to speak of the magnitude of occasions this could come in pretty useful, when all you need to do to change your meaning would be to twist your tone a little here and a bit there to give it a surprised touch, a questioning rub or an angry stroke…..the possibilities are endless, try it!With so much said, I proclaim that the word fuck is a pure work of genius and I personally think (and fellow lovers would agree) that the draftsman be given a Nobel Prize for coming up with the most useful word in the history of mankind. (When meditating over the invention of the word fuck I sometimes recall the story of how the word Eureka came into existence when the crazed philosopher ran out in the streets stark naked yelling the word after he discovered how density works while lying in his bath tub during the medieval times! Yeah, those were the days, wo-hoo!). Anyways, to back my declaration, just imagine its Monday so it’s already worse enough that you have to go to work on such a dreadful day when to top it off you are also getting late for the office and can’t find your favorite red tie you always wear on Mondays. You call your wife asking “Honey, where did you put my red tie?” Now what a typical woman would do would be to join you in your search for the stupid tie - for some time - and then just walk away pretending its time to fix breakfast for the kids as they are getting late for school, like their stupid school is more important than your job! Heck, if it wasn’t for you busting your ass on job all day long the little brats won’t be in school in the first place, probably out on the roads wiping windshields and eating dirt….and the woman needs to understand that until you find that so important red tie you are not going anywhere and ain’t taking nobody to school!
Contrary to the earlier approach, which guarantees that the shit’ll fall, if you can’t find your favorite red tie on a Monday morning and ask your wife “Honey….where the fuck did you put my red fucking tie?” the bitch is sure to turn the whole damn house upside down in a minute and come running back with your tie. Well in case you are wondering, you can always give her a hug and a kiss later (or more, if you dig it!) for being abhorrently loutish earlier.
Ok Ok, I won’t be a chauvinist here and would also give you ladies some advise over the dominant power and clout of the word fuck as compared to other petty remarks, so that you can also pamper yourself with the blissful pleasures provided by the use of a spectacular blend of four paltry alphabets. (and ofcouse it sounds modish so don’t worry!)
Consider your man coming back home at 2 am Saturday morning and upon your compassionately inquire “Where have you been dear?” the man’s sure to give you a long and heart rendering tale about how he works his butt off back at the office but his boss doesn’t give him due credit save for assigning him new work every day but insists on blaming him and his dimwit capabilities for the slightest mistake and to top it off, has assigned him this really pathetic assistant who has the amazing knack to mess up even the most infallible things so being the great one that your husband is, he stayed back Friday night to put things right before his boss found out during a presentation to the CEO next week! For God’s sake use your head, its Friday night woman what do you think, can’t you see the pattern, something’s really and obviously wrong here and the pieces don’t actually fit! Next time when your man walks in 2 am, please for the love of God, leave those womanly/wifely feelings in the bedroom and just use the Goddamn word and see for yourself the wonders it does for you in getting shit straightened out. Imagine your guy opening up the front door at 2 am with you standing there and waiting and the moment he steps in, you go Rambo on his sorry ass with just one question “Where the fuck have you been all this time, didn’t you have time to see your fucking watch?” and just delightfully observe the shit drain out of the guy’s face. You ask me will the dude come back home on time? Hell, whatever follows, the guy is sure to ask your permission the next time he opens his fly for a pee even, let alone coming home that late on a Friday!
Now talking on a little global perspective, more than the word fuck itself I’d love to see and hear the word fuck used on an international symposium (like at the UNO) preferably by Bush, after he has recently ordered an attack on another country harboring a “security threat”! I’d love to see Bush step up to the podium and simply blurt it out “Fuck peace! We are after oil!” instead of the usual ‘we-hate-terrorists-so-we-are-killing-everyone’ blabber which I like to refer to as CJ2 (coverup-jackshit justifications) which, again, is truly gibberish to me when coming out of this particular white boy and at least I’m not falling for this bullshit. Fuck, No way!